Today is exactly two years since I moved from Arkansas to California to begin a new life as an out gay man. I am celebrating by sitting in the McDonald's of the small town I lived with my ex-wife and kids. I just came from a wonderful visit with one of my former colleagues.
Before I left, I had helped design the new Performing Arts Center at the university I was a professor. Because it is an evangelical university, upon coming out as gay and announcing I was divorcing my wife I had to give up my professorship. One of my regrets is that I never got to see the completed Performing Arts Center.
My former colleague offered to give me a tour. I wept when I went inside. My thumbprint was obvious. The original layout had been my design the architects used to draw the final plans. On the wall by the entrance is the permanent commemoration plaque...and my name is present.
This means so much to me. I was worreid that being the gay professor that shamed the university would mean I would not be recognized for the hours and hours I spent designing and planning the building.
I will also be seeing my parents for the first time in 2 years at their home this evening. I invited myself. I don't know how things will go, but I miss my family. My dad had not even talked to me since I left until 3 weeks ago, and my brother Bryan will be present even though he hasn't talked to me at all since I left.
Exactly 2 years ago to date, I followed through with the hardest decision of my life. I didn't want to leave my daughters, but circumstances dictated otherwise. Two years ago, my oldest daughter tried hiding my luggage so I couldn't leave. My middle daughter sulked in a corner. My youngest reached out to me when I walked out the door.
I took a stuffed animal from each of them to keep near me. For two years, I have kept those animals beside my bed or curled in my arms when I sleep. For the past two years, I have only been allowed to see my kids for one weekend a month max, and it has been even less because I can't afford regular airfare with the child support I was gouged with upon moving.
Two years later, the child support is being legally changed and I will be fighting for my wonderful girls to be able to see me for extended periods of time, including visiting me in California.
So, happy anniversary to me: I took the road less travelled, and I know it will make all the difference.
