I awoke this morning to the sound of my phone ringing. Before I even opened my eyes, I knew who was calling. Sure enough, as I answered I was greeted by my daughters, in unison, declaring "Happy Father's Day!".
I giggled and told them "thank you", and my youngest daughter said they had a "surprise" for me. My oldest did the verbal count of "1! 2! 3!". All three broke into song, singing a rendition of Selena Gomez' "Love You Like a Love Song." In their version, the chorus goes, "I, I love you like a love song, Daddy! I, I love you like a love song, Daddy!"
I grinned from ear to ear, leaning the phone over so my partner, Jason, could listen. At the end of the song, my middle daughter, Mia, proclaimed, "I rearranged the words, Dad!" My oldest, Ella, was quick to retort, "But it was my idea, Dad!" We talked for a couple of minutes and I enjoyed the rest of my Father's Day. After all, it started on a "high note".
It made me think of my own dad. I am not sure what his day was like, but it was probably markedly different from mine. My youngest brother ostracized himself from my parents several years ago and did not call or write. My other brother lives with my parents (still) and I am sure took dad out for a nice meal. I, for the first time in over three decades, did not get my dad a Father's Day card or wish him well.
As you may know from other posts, my parents have pretty much cut me off since I came out. However, the past three years I have made attempts to send birthday and holiday cards and presents on occasion. I have recently decided I can no longer waste effort.
I discovered from my daughters recently (and it was confirmed by my ex-wife) my parents have been telling my 8, 7 and 5 year old daughters their daddy is going to hell. For me, this was the last straw. Growing up, my parents resented my grandparents for telling me negative things about my own father. I remember how hurt and angry my dad was at times, not understanding why grandparents would turn a grandchild against his own father.
History has a funny way of repeating itself. 30 years later, and my dad is telling my daughters things that could poison them against me.
Could...but it hasn't, and it won't.
I decided to take a course of action my parents never would. Before I even had kids, I told my parents clearly if they ever bad mouthed me or the girls mother like my grandparents had done I would cut off communication and not let them spend time with my daughters.
I no longer have control over the latter, but I can control my own communication. My dad was in my thoughts today, but that was the extent. No card, no phone call, and at the end of the day, no guilt.
My girls love me and were so excited to wish me a happy day. Apparently, I even have a hand-made gift on its way in the mail. I was able to appreciate what I have with my girls and celebrate being their dad.
I only wish I could have celebrated being my father's son. I hope Father's Day for my dad was a reminder of what he has lost, rather than what he has. If he can remember how bad he felt when he was spoke of poorly, and seek to reconnect with me, his son, then maybe next year we can celebrate Father's Day together instead of isolation.
