As I type this, I'm glancing over at the awesome man beside me. My partner, Chris, was instrumental in my coming out. Through that process, we fell in love, and 15 months ago I moved to California to be with him.
We've had a tough time lately. Actually, my circumstances and baggage have caused us quite a tough time. My exorbitant child support means that for the past 15 months Chris has had to carry an undue amount of our financial responsibilities as a couple. Toss in the fact he lost his job 3 months ago, and the financial pressures we have had to face together have been overwhelming at times.
We also didn't really date. We went from getting to know each other well enough to know we wanted to be with each other to me hopping on a plane to live with him. For 15 months we have been a couple, but there are a lot of aspects about one another it would have been nice to know prior to a committed relationship.
We are both strong willed, and pig-headed, and we both have to be right and we both hate it when we are wrong. We have both hurt one another, snapped at one another and given ultimatums to one another. As we look forward, we are both exploring what needs to change and develop for us to stay together long term.
Gay relationships are just as wonderful and tumultuous as their heterosexual counterparts. Chris and I have what I've called the "closest thing to a fairy tale". We went to high school together and were in the chorus. We grew up two miles apart. His father and my grandfather were friends. 18 years after we last spoke, we found each other, in different stages in our lives, and we fell in love. Some of the greatest joys I have experienced in a relationship are with him.
So are some of the most heartbreaking moments. As selfish individuals we haven't always done a good job of trying to put the other's needs equal to our own. We have been very self-absorbed at different times and have cut one another to the quick.
My relationship isn't complicated and needing work because it is gay. My relationship is a challenge because it is a relationship. Just like straight relationships, there is the ebb and flow of Chris and I adoring each other and then despising what the other does. As of late, we have been trying to figure out the balance between giving each other space and yet still coming together and communicating as a couple.
Most couples, gay or straight, have those days where they look over at the person beside them in bed and ask, "What the hell was I thinking?" I know Chris has been asking himself that question. I know I have pondered the same.
But here, in our room at 2 a.m., I find comfort in his steady snoring. I still get twitterpated sometimes when I lay beside him and watch him sleep. I know his body from head to toe, from his strong hands to his ugly feet. During the night he wraps me up in his arms, just like I'm a teddy bear, and I am safe and warm.
One of Chris' favorite old TV shows is the "Facts of Life". I think the show's theme song captures why any relationship take work:
"You take the good, you take the bad. You take them both and there you have the facts of life."
Relationships, the best relationships, take effort. The snoring beast besides me drives me bonkers sometimes, but I wouldn't have him any other way. As long as he and I respect each other as individuals, work together as a team when needed and keep our focus on building and staying in a relationship long term we will have a great legacy.
As I lean over and give his bald head a kiss, I know we have a lot of work ahead. I am confident as long as we work on our relationship in a positive way it will surive.
Here's to my big gay bear of a man. May we always want to fight for one another and work to make the other happy.
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