A Tale of Two Moms

     It's Mother's Day. I mailed my mom a card earlier in the week. I called her this morning, got her voice mail and left a nice message. Before I came out, the tradition with my mom is that I would by her a corsage for church. My brothers and I would then meet with her and have a nice lunch and spend the afternoon visiting.
     My mom doesn't say much to me, now. Because I have accepted an identity as a gay man, from her theological perspective I am sinning: gay sex is a sin, divorcing my wife was a sin, moving away from my kids was a sin, etc. She believes I am going to hell, and therefore treats me as a lost cause. We don't talk much, and when we do she is very cold, very guarded and not the mom I grew up loving so much. I don't expect to hear back from her today.
     In contrast, there is my friend Carl and the relationship he has with his mother. Carl has become a good friend and confidant recently, and as we got to know each other he told me about his mom. She was loving and supportive when he chose to become a Mormon after high school. When he announced his divorce from his wife and coming out as a gay man his mother questioned why he would marry and have kids with a woman if he was gay, but loved and supported him in his transition.
     A couple of weeks ago I attended the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus concert. Carl is the Assistant Conductor and was also featured in a couple of vocal solos. Afterwards, Carl introduced me to his mom and other family members. When his mom saw him, she beamed. She hugged her little boy, praised him, congratulated him, and she welcomed me warmly as a new friend of Carl's. In turn, his dad, sister, and grand-parents showered him with love and were equally welcoming to me.
     The evening left me very sad, and as I woke to Mother's Day this morning the evening once again played in my mind. I envy Carl. Has he made mistakes? You betcha. Has he made decisions his mom disagrees with adamantly? Oh, yeah. But a marked difference between the type of mother he has versus the type mine has chosen to become is that his mom tries to demonstrate unconditional love to her son.
     My mom is in church right now, singing praise songs, finding solace in her Christianity and no doubt saying prayers as she grieves for the "loss" of her oldest son, begging God to "break" me and make me repentant.
     Carl's mom is spending the day with him, anxious for his company and eager for the opportunity to spend time with her boy.
     I saw a great quotation in the most recent issue of Out that describes the relationship with my mom perfectly: growing up I was my mother's shining gem; now I am her greatest embarrassment.
     To my mom: your little boy misses you.
     To Carl's mom: thank you for giving me hope.
     Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!!!