More Than Wedding Cake and Pizza: Religious Freedom Laws in Perspective

     The past couple of weeks, I have been intrigued by the polarization fueled by Indiana's recent law and the subsequent backlash of business and individuals against such a policy.

     Friends and family have texted, emailed or called asking for perspective,  and some had a very valid concern. One questions has repeated itself: Does this mean Christians who have a moral issue with homosexuality will be forced to accept it against their conscience?

     Yes, and no. The Supreme Court has decided on numerous occasions that it is not in our country's best interest for business to deny access to a group of people based on an identifying trait. The days of "NO JEWS," "NO JAPS," and "NO BLACKS" are thankfully behind us, largely because our legal system circumvented hypothetical state laws that would allow for such prejudice under the guise of religious preference.

     It was not that long ago that the Bible was used as a justification FOR segregation. And, a church in the United States can still, as a tenet of faith, believe such segregation to be God ordained. We have allowed a freedom of religious expression in our country unprecedented in most of history, and just like we allow churches to still exist that preach against the mingling of the races, our country will allow churches to exist that preach against homosexuals.

     Churches, but not businesses, should be allowed that freedom.

     Any business that puts up its shingles and opens it doors in this country is inherently tied to our federal government. The foundation of our country was to help establish not only freedom of religion but freedom FROM religion, particular in matters affecting the entire country.

     It is not in the interest of the citizenry, a citizenry living in a capitalist and consumer culture, to be denied access to the goods and services of that culture. It is counterproductive, and would continue, in this case, to propel homosexuals as a disenfranchised class in our nation.

     Why has the Indiana law been such a "bid deal?" I believe it is because of an awareness of the United States' history and fear of history repeating itself. After the Civil War, after a conflict that should have decided a hopeful future for all black Americans, the Jim Crow laws were established. Neither our government or its people were able to "get ahead" of these laws, and what resulted was decades of oppression and inequality.

     The fear and the passion you are seeing from those of us that are gay is not because of cakes and pizza. Indiana's law was hastened as a response to our legal system determining Indiana had to recognize gay marriage. As this ruling and others like it will ultimately be upheld by the Supreme Court this summer, some Indiana legislators were trying to get a law on the books that would allow the capability of a wide range of discriminatory practices in business.

     The backlash against this law is not God hating liberals wanting to persecute Christians.

     On the contrary, the reaction of disdain has been because of the historical precedent of Christians in the U.S. using faith as a tool for veiled bigotry. In a nation that stands for the respect of multiple religions and standpoints, Christianity has had more sway than any other, even to the point of Christians trying to apply a sense of superiority to the country as a whole.

     However, we are still a country where Christianity is ONE of the worldviews of our people, and not the SOLE worldview. If Christians are going to participate in and benefit from commerce, it needs to be for the benefit and availability of all of the people, and not just those deemed to be acceptable through the narrow lens of a singular faith.

   

Transitional friendships: A life reality that stings

     For years in my Interpersonal Communication class, I have taught students about transitional friendships. These are friends that come into our life, the friendship flourishes, but because of a change of circumstance, the friendship wanes.

     I have my students share examples from their own experience. Some say they lost a friend because of moving apart. Others say they lost a friend because their lives were headed in different directions. Some has said they lost friends when they got married. The list goes on and on.

     The saddest part of the reality of transitional friendships is rather than both parties working to make transitions as realities shift, one or both decide it just isn't worth it.

     During my time at John Brown University, I invested my time, energy and a significant part of my life into developing and mentoring students who became my friends.

     One I sat with for countless hours at odd times as he bounced his thoughts and ideas about everyday life off of me and I him.

     One I spent hours directing and training to help her become the actress she was destined to be.

     One I coached rigorously, turning her from a timid spokesperson to a formidable debater.

     One I worked side-by-side, the two of us accomplishing together more than we could separately.

     One I encouraged to be the opinionated, strong woman she was becoming even though it was not encouraged in the school culture.

     One I always defended, even though her many "sins" would make her a pariah if people had known her truth.

     While in relationship with each of these men and women, as we developed deeper friendships, I would have never imagined each would become a transitory friendship.

     What changed? I admitted I had been living a lie as a closeted gay man, divorced and decided to live a different truth.

     As a result, the first barred me from attending his wedding, and cut off ties with me because I divorced my wife.

     As a result, the second cut off communication, even as she now has openly gay friends.

     As a result, the third refused to even hear my side of the story and ended our friendship.

     As a result, the fourth severed ties because I was a much "different" person.

     As a result, the fifth opted to not be assertive and simply "unfriended" me on Facebook.

     As a result, the sixth, after moving to the same city as I in California and I asking her to get dinner      responded, "We were friends then, but this is now. Let's just leave it at that."

     These were all loving, intelligent, caring people who were my friends.

     These were all loving, intelligent, caring people I still want to be friends.

     These are all loving, intelligent, caring people who have used their faith to justify marginalizing me, our friendships and rationalize their own bigotry.

     This will ultimately be where evangelicalism in America will have a "black eye" in history. Each of these former friends have used Christianity to defend ending a friendship simply because they disagree with my choices. 

     The irony is that I loved the first in spite of his nagging porn problem.

     The irony is that I loved the second in spite of her not quite being the virginal epitome of womanhood to which she showed her public.

     The irony is that I loved the third in spite of her being a flat out bitch to her peers.

     The irony is that I loved the fourth in spite of his less than conventional sexual tastes.

     The irony is that I loved the fifth in spite of her abusive past.

     The irony is that I loved the sixth to the point of shielding her from repercussions she probably well deserved.

     I have not been a perfect friend, but those in this post have motivated me to be more loving, flexible, understanding and willing to adapt to changes in friends' lives when they happen.

     I miss these friends...I still love these friends...and if they ever seek me out, I will start our friendship anew.

     Until then, it stings. Something will happen to remind me of the relationships I had and my heart aches.

     I tell my students the reality of transitional friendships makes it difficult to form new friendships the older one gets. To be honest, those mentioned in this post have made me cautious about investing in new friendships.

     However, I still make an effort, for I know not when a new friend will become a lifelong pal, or will be important for a time then vanish. 

     For my lifelong pals out there: thank you for making life's transitions with me. It helps take the sting away from those that cast me aside.

     To my readers: your friendship is important to your friends. Love them, grow with them, and adapt with them...even when you disagree.