I flew out to visit my daughters in Oklahoma this weekend and celebrate Halloween. We had a great time and I headed to the airport this morning to head home for the work week.
In line at the DFW airport, a young girl standing with her mom took notice of my luggage tag. I'm not a big "rainbow flag" person, but I get the significance. So, I purchased luggage tags with a rainbow squiggly type thing to make sure I always know which bags are mine.
After a few seconds she asked innocently, "Why do you have a rainbow on your suitcase?" I smiled and my kneejerk response was to explain why the rainbow symbol was important to me.
But then I thought of everything I have been through with my own children. How in my divorce decree I agreed to not tell my children anything about being gay or ever mention my partner. At the time of separating from my wife, my in-laws and my own parents were ready to speak out against me in court if I tried fighting or changing any of my wife's demands.
All of them wanted to protect my girls from my "lifestyle" and my "bad decisions". Recently, my ex-wife reminded me she wanted to protect their "innocence" for as long as she could.
Gay people are a fact of life that will not be shoved back in to the closet. Are parents really protecting their children by pretending gay people don't exist?
Today at the airport, I looked at the young girl...and I lied. I told her I liked all the colors. The mom slowly exhaled and gave me a thankful smile.
I boarded the plane and I wondered:
Who did I protect more?
I did the same thing when asked by my 7 year old niece asking about the rainbow cling on my car window. I replied in a similar manner. I do believe that any talk of sexual orientation is an "age appropriate" discussion best left to the parents. But the rainbow's real significance is a display of respect, acceptance, and love for diversity as is symbolized in all the colors of the rainbow. That's what I wish I would have told my niece instead of, "I like the pretty colors". Much better to answer truthfully, if not a bit vaguely, than to bring up a conversation best left to the parents who are ultimately responsible for how any topic is brought up and discussed. As far as protecting a child's innocence -- you didn't know the child or the parents and you were being respectful.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your own children go -- you relinquished responsibility of your children's training and learning, but you will teach them by example and they will eventually find out about their gay father, no matter who is the primary caregiver.