Sunday, May 4, 2014

The Challenge of Gay Friendships

     If there is one thing I definitively miss about pretending to be straight and being in the closet it was the ease I formed and maintained same-sex relationships.
     I have not found the same to be true making friends now that I am out and part of the gay community. I have plenty of acquaintances, as well as men I call "friends." However, there is something often missing.
     I feel there is much more deceptiveness, hidden agendas and half-truths in my friendships with gay men. If I am noticing it in others, then it leaves me to worry I may be exhibiting those traits as well.
     I have had gay friends bail on hanging out with me, only to find out there was something (or someone) better to do. I have had friends give me a list of excuses why we cannot spend time together, only to discover those excuses were not actually real.
     I shudder to think what happens to my single gay friends in dating. If gay friends have a propensity for avoiding honesty, gay dating must be a barrage of deception.
     It could also be I had a non-normative experience with straight friends. However, I can say my closest straight friends have been more honest and forthright that most of my gay friends.
     Is it bred from a culture of hiding? To some degree, all gay men I know had to hide who they were some period of time.
     Is it the odd dynamic that a gay friend is also someone you can be attracted to? Does this color regular  gay friendship transactions?
     This blog entry is not about any answers, but truly about questions. Please comment on my Facebook or the blog itself if you have insights.

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