Just about the time I think I have taken care of any baggage left from my former life or my coming out process, something happens that reminds me that some baggage sticks around a lot longer than others.
I have decided to label these issues as my Samsonite baggage. Growing up, I remember many ads of Samsonite luggage standing up to a beating from a gorilla, being ran over by a truck and dropped off a plane. Again and again, the Samsonite baggage remained intact.
Just like that luggage, a couple of incidents recently have reminded me I still have (and probably will have) some long-term baggage that colors my interpersonal relationships and personal decision making. Even though I have tried to destroy all the baggage from my past, some of it is very durable.
I have realized that coming out as late as I did I am "behind" in some areas of gay maturity compared to many of my peers. That would be my Samsonite carry-on. When it comes to really being confident and owning who I am as a gay man I am still often timid. That would be my Samsonite that gets stowed above the seat. Day-to-day living, from my partner to my close friends, and trying to think of the needs of others as I think of my own: I am severely lacking. For so many years, I put all of my own wants and needs aside to meet the expectations of others, I believe sometimes now I am flat out selfish and pig-headed with what I want. This is the big Samsonite bag I have to pay extra for.
My grandparents had a Samsonite suitcase passed down to my mother and then passed down to me. That luggage lasted across three generations, countless miles and multiple destinations. I would still have that Samsonite if I had not gotten rid of it in a yard sale.
I know the only way to get rid of some of my current baggage is to get rid of it. If I don't, it will stick around much longer than it should.
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