In the wake of one of the most contentious mid-term elections in American history, a lot of discussion has taken place regarding how nasty and uncivil candidates were to one another. The past week I have read several articles asking the same question: is civility dead?
Although in recent politics it would appear to be the case, I am real life proof that not only is civility not dead, but where allowed it flourishes.
When I went through my divorce and came out last year as a gay man, I was not treated civilly by some. I had family, friends and coworkers shun me. People I thought I would be able to depend on through thick and thin, particularly fellow Christians, turned their back on me.
It helped me understand why there are so many turned off by the Christian faith and evangelicals in the gay community. Although Christ surrounded himself with "sinners", much to the angst of the Pharisees and Sadducees, so often Christians today treat obvious sinners like myself with a certain repugnancy. For example, before I divorced and moved from Arkansas someone in my inner circle (not many knew what was happening) spray painted "fag" and left it on my front door.
But today I was reminded Christians can also be loving and supportive and civil. My second cousin, Ruben, is an evangelical Christian pastor. Although I know his biblical and theological views are not supportive of a gay "lifestyle", Ruben has been civil and loving.
Today, we talked via Facebook chat about his recent trip overseas, and going deeper talking about the challenges of the church in different countries and societies. After ending our conversation, I reflected on how my cousin has not sought to change my mind, or demean my decisions or treat me negatively. Because he cares about me, he continues to be civil.
Many of my friends have told me stories of being treated poorly be those who confess to be followers of Christ. Many evangelical churches are so consumed with being "right" about the topic of homosexuality they have forgotten their first charge: to love.
And that love, the love I see in my bible, is one where civility is the rule, and not the exception, for how Christians should treat other people.
I find it interesting how different groups want to "own" the debate by claiming that their way is the "true" way. For example: some people, especially on the Far Right, want to claim that they are "Constitutionalists", saying that they know the original intention of the Founders. Same with the Bible or ANY religious text. Some claim that they have the "true" understanding of the Bible (or other religious text) and know God's intent.
ReplyDeleteAs far as civility goes -- there was not a whole lot of "civility" until Jesus came around. Wars, murder, infanticide, fratricide, rape, all types of very uncivil behavior; most of it done in the name of god.
Currently, trying to obtain equal rights in our society (marriage, employment, housing, etc...) -- has it been civil? Someone can offer me the shirt of their back, but they will vote in secret to rip that shirt right back off. Agreeing to disagree might be "civil", but it really depends on whose ox is being gored.